Perfectionist or not, sometimes we can all feel pressured to do everything, be everything, have everything…but contrary to our inner beliefs, there is no grand trophy for breaking our neck trying to do everything ourselves.
Asking For Help – Independence and Loneliness
Of course there are the hidden pay-offs, like not risking being let down by anyone else because we’re not relying on anyone else. The good feelings elicited from praise from others telling you you’re doing an amazing job. The reassurance of feeling like we’re in control of everything. But, despite those short-lived positives, being super independent can feel quite lonely. Being intent on carrying our own burdens alone can be exhausting. The compliments may go some way to keeping us buoyed up, but do those well-wishers really know how we feel inside?
Happiness is an Inside Job
Being ‘superman’/ ‘superwoman’ may look good on the outside, but not feel so good on the inside. Anyone who knows anything about real happiness will tell you, it’s an inside job. Fierce independence can end up blocking communication as you repeatedly cut yourself off from people who may genuinely want to help.
Learned Behaviour
The overly responsible among us may need to learn how to give ourselves permission to let go of the belief system that it’s not safe to ask for help. It’s very likely that this is learned behaviour. Something may have happened in our past which led us to believe that all situations where we need to ask for help will end negatively. We may have shown our vulnerability and asked for help and were let down. It hurt. It’s understandable we built a wall to protect ourselves. However, not all situations are the same.
Embracing Vulnerability
The power of reaching out is immense. Learning how to embrace our vulnerability and ask for help and allowing ourselves to accept it is such a valuable learning experience. It may not feel this way now, but it is possible to feel good about accepting help. As the ebb and flow of life goes, it’s likely there will be opportunities for us to help others, too.
When may we need to ask for help?
- Are you experiencing emotional pain? As the age old saying goes ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. While the maths may not be entirely accurate on that, there is still truth in that adage. Sharing your pain with someone can ease the weight of a burden.
- Do you feel threatened or are you in danger? It may seem an obvious thing to point out, but it’s vital to reach out for help in a crisis. However, if you are used to being ‘the strong one’ and ignoring those signs of anxiety, it might not feel natural to reach out for support.
- Do you seem to be stuck and unable to move on from a struggle despite trying to? Someone may have a different perspective which you hadn’t previously considered.
- Are you having trouble balancing the amount of tasks on your to do list with the number of hours in the day? It is absolutely acceptable to delegate some of those tasks if others are involved in creating the work (e.g. asking those you live with to help with the chores).
- Is it possible you may have made a mistake? Admitting this is a sign of strength. Sometimes, that willingness to accept responsibility and make amends may need to be supported by guidance on how best to achieve that positive outcome you desire.
- Are you dissatisfied in your relationship? This can be a common, unspoken problem among couples. Sometimes we think we shouldn’t have to ask for what we need because we think they should know us well enough to know! However, sometimes what we think is obvious, may not be so clear to the other person. Lack of communication causes confusion and can lead to deep seated resentment due to the assumptions we make. Being specific and asking for what we need clears the path to moving forward in all our relationships. It also invites that open and honest communication from the other side.
Powerful Self Care
Life can be fraught with challenges. Why struggle alone when you don’t have to? Reaching out for help can be the single most scary thing you could conceive of doing, but what if that request for help was met with respectful assistance? What if the person who is helping you, gives you the tools to tune into your own inner wisdom, because the answer lies inside of you? Seeking support, asking for help, recognising human nature is to collaborate…These are all powerful acts of self-care. With help, we are able to achieve more and live the fulfilled life we deserve.
If you recognise yourself or someone you know after reading this, and you would like to reach out for some support, then contact me on 07473241144 or fill out the contact form for a no obligation consultation.
Take the first step towards leading the life you love to live.
