The New year has arrived and with it, comes the hope of a new, improved year, full of possibilities and new opportunities! I, for one, am an avid New Year’s goal setter. Previous plans have brought a whole host of motivations, achievements and yes, sometimes, crushing disappointments. Unsurprisingly, this results, for me, in New Year’s Resolutions anxiety.
The Origin of New Year’s Resolutions
The tradition of new year’s resolutions originated in the early 1st millennium BC. The practice of making these promises to ourselves began within one of the most famous cities of antiquity, Babylonia. The Babylonians reportedly made promises to the gods in hopes they’d earn good favour in the coming year…and so it began. The promise of bettering ourselves for the hope of a better future. Makes sense.
Although we may no longer make these promises in the name of religion (although some may) the motivation to make a list of goals at the beginning of each year lives on.
Making and Keeping New Year’s Resolutions
Like most of us, I begin the year with the best of intentions. Eat healthily, exercise, earn more money etc…So why is it, when I stumble across these written plans, a few months later, I am met with the sinking feeling of failure? I realise, with a sense of shame, I am in the exact same position as I was when I originally wrote the list of resolutions in January…and the January before…and the January before that. It makes me wonder…What is it that’s holding me back? In order to understand the reasons behind my inability to stick to resolutions, I needed to understand more about resolutions themselves. Why do we need them? Where have I been going wrong and what can I do differently this time? Most importantly, I needed to understand more about myself and what was preventing me from keeping my promises to myself.
The Benefits of New Year’s Resolutions
Making New Year’s Resolutions can promote healthy self-esteem and cultivate a sense of empowerment. Implementing achievable goals and attaining them provides a sense of accomplishment. This in turn, leads to us improving our lives and what could be better than living our best lives?
The Drawbacks of New Year’s Resolutions
However, statistics illustrate nearly a quarter of Britons who made resolutions for 2021 failed to keep their promises to themselves (but if we view the statistics from the other side, it’s clear to see that over 75% of people who did, stuck to their goals).
One of the main pitfalls of making a resolution is accidentally making it to please someone else. This may be an unconscious attempt to remedy a past hurt. Some of us may feel pressure to measure up to other people’s expectations, but unless we’re making goals for us, the likelihood is they will fall through as resentment builds or apathy sets in.
Maybe we feel pervasive pressure from outside influences such as social media. We may desire to be, do and have everything we buy into. It’s worth remembering that often what we consume via social media is unrealistic because it’s the enhanced version of reality which omits the genuine parts. We can’t live up to a fantasy.
If you’re setting a goal for any other reason than to improve your own life for your own greatest good, then you may want to rethink why you are pursuing this particular goal.
Success Blockers: Self-sabotage
Have you ever experienced a strong desire to achieve something, say a work promotion? You start out feeling inspired, motivated and then a few days, weeks, months down the line, the shine of the ambition wears off and before you know it, you’ve gone and got in your own way.
Procrastination is one of my personal blockages to success. Somehow, cleaning the kitchen pantry seems more pressing than the looming deadline and then of course there just isn’t time to do what we originally intended to do because, well, we’re just so busy with the kids, the shopping, the housework the *insert excuse here* to show up for ourselves. Is it any wonder we lose faith in ourselves if we keep letting ourselves down?
"Trust is an integral part of any relationship. That includes the most important relationship we’ll ever have. The relationship with ourselves."
To understand self-sabotage better we need to understand what lies beneath the self-doubt. Personal therapy can help us gain a deeper understanding of why we do what we do and how to stop repeating unhelpful patterns of behaviour.
Success Blockers: Unforeseen Life-events
Of course, procrastination does not include unforeseen life-events. Sometimes our best intentions are turned on their heads due to unavoidable circumstances, requiring us to focus attention elsewhere in order to survive. We should never punish ourselves for life getting in the way of our best laid plans. However, knowing the difference between procrastination and unavoidable life events, is an important distinction to make. It’s important the steps to achieve our goals allow for any possible hurdles. (See SMART goals further on in this article.)
Success Blockers: Negative Judgement from Others
Other possible barriers to us sticking to New Year’s Resolutions could be the fear of negative judgement from others, especially if our goal contravenes their outdated view of us. If we lack support from friends and family, this can be a painful hurdle to achieving our goals. However, if we are in this position, it’s even more important we continue with our positive resolutions. If we don’t have the love and support around us we deserve, we need to provide that for ourselves.
"We teach others how to treat us. If others see we are behaving in a caring way towards ourselves, it is more likely we will receive respectful treatment."
Success Blockers: Low Self-esteem
A lack of self-esteem, co-dependence and boundary issues can also inhibit us on our journey to achieve our New Year’s Resolutions. If this is the case, it may be worth adding to our list a promise to seek help for these issues. This will give us the best support in achieving our goals. See my blog on boundaries …
Success Blockers: Unrealistic Goals
Another reason our New Year’s Resolutions fail to manifest is that the goals we set for ourselves are unrealistic or too vague. For example, wanting to be promoted to head of department is absolutely worth pursuing if this is your true desire, but wanting to achieve that goal two weeks after being hired as receptionist is possibly setting yourself up for disappointment. I’m not saying don’t dream big, but some goals may require a wider time frame. Setting unrealistic goals may also be symptomatic of self-sabotage. Because you know it’s unlikely you will achieve them, you can say to yourself (and others) ‘See, nothing I do works out?’ and you can return to the familiar comfort zone of staying small and settling for less.
Success Blockers: Avoidance
This may be why some of us avoid making any promises to ourselves and have given up on New Year’s Resolutions altogether. If we have been unable to achieve previous goals, we may have perceived that as failure. Therefore we avoid the potential disappointment of letting ourselves down again by avoiding any further plans to set goals. We buy into the negative mindset of ‘If I don’t try, I won’t fail,’ failing to recognise that if we don’t try we won’t know if we will succeed either.
A New Way to set New Year’s Resolutions
Plan
So is there a more helpful way of implementing New Year’s Resolutions? Yes. Yes there is. Firstly, using a planner will help us clarify our goals and stay on track.
Be accountable
Being accountable is a good way to ensure we stay committed. Letting people know what we intend to do or joining a community of like-minded people trying to achieve similar goals will help keep us motivated.
Be careful of the company you keep
It’s possible the company we are keeping has us stuck in a rut of unhelpful behaviour, so it may be necessary to implement some healthy boundaries with particular people who don’t have our best interests at heart or maybe consider ceasing contact completely.
Break bad habits
Cutting down on (or out completely) habits which drain our energy, such as social media consumption, could also free up more time, space and energy for reinvention.
Smart Goals
This acronym, coined in the journal, ‘Management Review’ in 1981, stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.
Specific
A specific goal has a greater chance of success than a vague goal. Provide enough detail so there is no confusion as to what exactly you should be doing.
Measurable
Choose a goal with measurable progress, so you can see the change as it occurs. A measurable goal needs to have an assessable outcome that can be measured.
Achievable
An achievable goal has an outcome in line with your current social, economic or cultural resources and time available. Success may be more of a ‘stretch’ if the outcome is difficult to begin with.
Realistic
Start small, with what you can and will do and allow yourself to experience the satisfaction of meeting your goal. Gradually increase the goal intensity after reflecting on if and how to redefine the goal.
Time Bound
Set a time-frame for the goal: for example, for next week, in three months, by six months. Setting an end point for the goal gives you a clear target to achieve.
This time around, I will definitely be implementing SMART goals to support my resolutions. I will also remind myself that if, for whatever reason, I don’t manage to achieve a goal, not to interpret this as failure. We don’t fail. To try is a success in itself. We are our own experiment and experiments don’t always work the first time (as any scientist will tell you). We learn from our mistakes through accessing the necessary knowledge of what to do differently on our second, third or even tenth attempt.
Resilience is a worthwhile skill to master. It stands us in good stead for our journey to success. We must be kind to ourselves, because it is with this kindness that we nurture the necessary strength of spirit to keep going!
"We don’t fail. To try is a success in itself."
References
HISTORY. 2021
The History of New Year’s Resolutions – HISTORY. [ONLINE]
Available at: https://www.history.com/news/the-history-of-new-years-resolutions.
[Accessed 31 December 2021].
How many people kept their 2020 New Year’s resolutions? | YouGov. 2021. How many people kept their 2020 New Year’s resolutions? | YouGov. [ONLINE]
Available at: https://yougov.co.uk/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2020/12/30/new-years-resolutions-2020-and-2021.
[Accessed 31 December 2021].
