Explore the flight response to trauma triggers in relationships. Learn how this coping mechanism manifests, its impact on intimacy, and ways to heal and build healthier connections.
What Does a Flight Response to Trauma Triggers Look Like?
Have you ever had a confrontation with someone, and suddenly they get up and leave the room, or abruptly hang up the phone? Perhaps you’re trying to discuss an important issue in your relationship, but the other person shuts you down or changes the subject. These behaviours can be frustrating, especially when you feel you have a valid point to make.
Or maybe you’re the one who feels compelled to escape what seems like confrontation. You might try to change the subject, slam the door behind you, or even find yourself halfway down the road before realising you’ve left. These could be signs of a flight response to trauma triggers.
These responses to triggers often stem from childhood trauma and can significantly influence behaviours in relationships. This particular response involves a strong impulse to escape or avoid perceived threats and can manifest in several ways within relational contexts.
Are There More Responses Other Than the Flight Response?
Trauma responses can take many forms. Traditionally understood as ‘fight or flight,’ psychological research has expanded this understanding to include other responses such as ‘freeze,’ ‘fawn,’ and ‘flop.’ Future blogs will delve into how these responses may appear in relationships.
Signs of a Flight Response to Trauma Triggers
Within my practice in Leigh On Sea, I have seen flight response show up as:
Avoidance of Intimacy: Individuals with a flight response to trauma triggers may keep a distance to avoid the vulnerability that comes with closeness. They might shy away from deep emotional connections, fearing that getting too close will lead to hurt or abandonment. This behaviour is often a learned response from past experiences, adopted to protect oneself. You may have been in a relationship with your partner for a while, yet at times feel they are still strangers to you.
Perfectionism and Overworking: Another form of avoiding connection is through perfectionism and overworking. People might immerse themselves in work or hobbies to avoid dealing with relational issues, leading to feelings of neglect or unimportance in their partners, friends, or children.
Restlessness and Impulsivity: A flight response can also manifest as restlessness and impulsivity, with a constant need to be on the move or engage in activities. This can make it difficult to maintain stable relationships due to an inability to be fully present, sometimes leading to a pattern of moving from one relationship to another to avoid commitment.
Emotional Unavailability: Those with a flight response to trauma triggers may struggle to be emotionally present, making it feel as though they are physically there but mentally or emotionally distant. This emotional unavailability can lead to partners feeling disconnected and unsupported.
Numbing Feelings: In an effort to avoid intimacy or connection, some may turn to numbing their feelings through alcohol, drugs, or other addictive behaviours.
Conflict Avoidance: To escape uncomfortable situations, people may avoid conflict. While this may alleviate anxiety temporarily, it doesn’t address the underlying issues, leading to unresolved problems that can pile up and erode trust over time.
Cancelling Plans: Commitment may feel threatening. This may result in behaviours like cancelling plans at the last minute, avoiding saying “yes” to anything, being chronically indecisive (which can also show up in a ‘freeze’ response), or not making plans altogether.
Hyper-independence: Hyper-independence is another sign of a flight response. Individuals may overemphasise self-reliance, rejecting help or support from others, which can create an imbalance and make those around them feel unnecessary or excluded.
What Is It Like to Be in a Relationship with Someone Who Has a Flight Response to Trauma Triggers?
A relationship with someone who has this response can be challenging. Partners may feel they are walking on eggshells, trying to avoid triggering their partner’s flight response.
Relationships may feel fragile and easily broken, with sudden breakups often leaving partners confused and hurt.
During moments of stress or conflict, rather than addressing the issue, those with a flight response are likely to disengage, either physically or emotionally.
What Causes a Flight Response to Trauma Triggers?
This often develops as a coping mechanism from previous trauma. However, when this response becomes problematic, it can create a vicious cycle, making relationships difficult to maintain. Those who have experienced a relationship with someone struggling with this response to triggers likely understand the frustration involved. Still, the frustration experienced by the individual who feels compelled to escape can be significant as well.
Healing from Trauma
It is possible to heal from the trauma that led to the development of this survival response. With patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to building healthy relationships, individuals can learn to communicate in healthier, more productive ways.
Empathy, patience, and professional support are essential for both partners when navigating the challenges of a flight response to trauma triggers. Therapy can be transformative, helping individuals recognise their flight response, understand its roots, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
If you recognise yourself or someone you know after reading this and would like to reach out for support, feel free to contact me on 07473241144 or fill the contact form for a no obligation consultation.
