We all know, writing can be a powerful way to process emotions, gain clarity, and release pain. One of the most transformative exercises you can try is writing an unsent letter, a letter you write but never send. The Unsent Letter is a simple yet profound practice and can help you find closure, express emotions safely, and move forward with greater peace of mind.
Let’s explore:
What Is an Unsent Letter?
I personally love writing and I have done for as long as I can remember! Unsent letters are a therapeutic way of writing and an unsent letter is exactly what it sounds like; a letter that you write but don’t send. It’s a private space to express everything you need to say, without fear of judgment or repercussions. Whether it’s anger, sadness, disappointment, or even love, putting your thoughts on paper and releasing the unsent letter can be incredibly releasing and healing.
You might write an unsent letter to:
- Someone who hurt or betrayed you
- A former friend, partner, or colleague
- Anyone you have unresolved emotions toward
How Can an Unsent Letter Help?
When painful memories or emotions stay bottled up, they can have a lasting impact on your mental and physical well-being. Writing an unsent letter allows you to:
- Release pent-up emotions in a healthy way
- Gain clarity about what you’re really feeling
- Understand your own patterns and triggers
- Find closure without needing validation from others
- Practice self-compassion and forgiveness
Sometimes, we hold onto resentment, waiting for an apology that may never come. An unsent letter helps shift the focus back to what you can control: your own healing.
Should You Send The Unsent Letter?
In most cases, the answer is no. While it might feel tempting to send your letter to the person involved, doing so may create more complications. The purpose of an unsent letter is for your healing, not necessarily to change the other person’s behaviour.
Sending it might:
- Keep you emotionally tied to the past
- Trigger unnecessary conflict or hurt
- Lead to disappointment if the response isn’t what you hoped for
That said, some people do choose to share their letters in a more measured way; perhaps by summarising key thoughts in a conversation. But the real power lies in the act of writing itself, not necessarily in delivering it.
What If Writing the Letter Brings Up Difficult Emotions?
It’s completely normal to feel emotional while writing an unsent letter. This means you’re accessing thoughts and feelings that need to be acknowledged. Instead of pushing them away, try to:
- Allow yourself to feel without judgment
- Take breaks if needed. You don’t have to finish in one sitting
- Use grounding techniques like deep breathing or a short walk afterward
Remember that healing is a process, and emotions will settle with time.
You may find yourself overwhelmed, you might choose to process the emotions further through journaling, therapy, or other self-care practices.
While it might feel tempting to send your letter to the person involved, doing so may create more complications. The purpose of an unsent letter is for your healing, not necessarily to change the other person’s behaviour.
How Long Should the Letter Take?
There’s no set time limit. It depends on what you need to express. Some people write a short letter in one sitting, while others come back to it over multiple days. Trust your instincts and let the words flow naturally.
If you’re struggling to start, you might begin with:
“I need to tell you…”
“I feel…”
“I wish I could say…”
Where Should You Write Your Unsent Letter?
Find a quiet, comfortable space where you feel safe to express yourself. Whether it’s a cosy corner of your home, a park bench, or a peaceful café, the right environment can help you open up without distractions.
Consider writing by hand if possible because physically putting words on paper can make the process even more powerful; but if typing feels more natural, that works too!
The Final Step: Letting Go
Once you’ve written the unsent letter, you can choose what to do with it. Some people tear it up, burn it, or bury it as a symbolic act of release. Others keep it as a personal reflection. I’ve even had some clients rip it into tiny pieces, then use it in an artistic collage! How beautiful! The key is recognising that you don’t need an external response to heal…closure comes from within.
An unsent letter isn’t about getting even or proving a point; it’s about freeing yourself from the weight of unspoken emotions. It’s a way to take back your power, find clarity, and create space for healing.
If you’ve never tried it before, why not give it a go? You might be surprised at how much lighter you feel afterward.
If you believe you need additional help before, during or after writing your letter please do reach out and contact me on 07473241144 or fill the contact form for a no obligation consultation.
