Narcissistic Abuse Counselling In Leigh On Sea
It can occur within any relationship, but typically the process begins in childhood and is learned through unhealthy family dynamics, the Copeland Counselling Practice is here to help with Narcissistic Abuse Counselling.
What is a narcissistic family?
A narcissistic family is a family system in which typically the parents or guardians are excessively self-centred and focused on fulfilling their own needs and desires at the expense of the well-being of their children/ other family members. A narcissistic family often involves emotional abuse, neglect and general unhealthy family dynamics.
What someone raised in a narcissistic family may experience.
Children raised in narcissistic families may experience feelings of rejection, neglect and invalidation. They often struggle with self-esteem and feel a deep sense of shame and guilt for not meeting their parents’ unattainable expectations. Narcissistic parents may also pit siblings against each other, creating a competitive and hostile environment.
What does narcissistic abuse look like?
In my experience of providing psycho-education to clients during narcissistic abuse counselling I have worked with people who have experienced narcissistic abuse. It is a form of emotional and psychological abuse, inflicted by a person with narcissistic traits or NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Narcissistic abuse can include a variety of behaviours, such as manipulation, gaslighting, criticism, belittling, verbal attacks, isolation, neglect and controlling behaviour.
Specific examples of narcissistic abuse:
- Gaslighting: The abuser manipulates the victim's reality by lying, denying, or distorting the truth to make the victim question their perception of events and second-guess their memory of events.
- Verbal abuse: The abuser constantly criticises, belittles and insults the victim, often in a condescending or derisive tone.
- Emotional blackmail: The abuser threatens the victim with consequences like withdrawal of affection, finances or abandonment to make them comply with their demands or feel guilty for expressing their needs. This is why it is so hard for a survivor of narcissistic abuse to find the courage to speak out against it and break the chain. Often, when the family member does call out the abuse they are scapegoated and cast in the role of abuser, which can be a bewildering and painful experience for the survivor.
- Triangulation: The abuser creates drama by involving a third party in the relationship or by comparing or bringing up the victim's perceived shortcomings in the third party's presence. The roles are defined by 'persecutor', 'victim' and 'rescuer', with roles changing according to the abuser's intent. This dynamic can go round and round until someone finally breaks the pattern. Usually the survivor, by disengaging.
- Withholding or stonewalling: The abuser may refuse to communicate, provide information, or withhold emotional support or attention in order to manipulate or punish the victim for not complying with their unreasonable demands.
- Projection: The abuser projects their own negative traits or behaviours onto the victim by accusing them of doing exactly what the abuser themselves is guilty of. This is an extremely manipulative tactic and can be devastating for the person on the receiving end who has had their self-esteem damaged and is ready to accept they are at fault.
- Isolation: The abuser may prevent the victim from seeing family and friends, taking away their social support system and creating a feeling of dependence.
These are just a few examples I have witnessed from working with survivors who have sought out narcissistic abuse counselling in Leigh On Sea. There are many ways narcissistic abuse can manifest and it can vary from family to family.
The effects of narcissistic abuse
The effects of narcissistic abuse can be devastating and can cause long-lasting emotional and psychological trauma. Victims of narcissistic abuse may experience symptoms such as anxiety, depression, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), low self-esteem and a sense of powerlessness.
The symptoms that a person who has experienced narcissistic abuse may feel can vary and be complex, but can include the following:
- Anxiety: feeling on guard and anxious anticipating harm or danger.
- Depression: feeling hopeless, low on energy and helpless after undergoing prolonged abuse.
- PTSD: experience of flashbacks, hypervigilance and nightmares even after escaping the abusive relationship.
- Low self-esteem: feeling insignificant and inferior due to constant criticism, belittling and manipulation from the abuser.
- Social isolation: feeling lonely, isolated and cut off from supportive relationships by the narcissistic abuser.
- Emotional reactivity and confusion: constantly feeling confused and often overreacting to non-abusive situations or isolated events.
- Fear of conflict: Fear of conflict due to the risk of retaliation and perceived helplessness when in positions of vulnerability. This can lead the survivor to enter into more unsafe relationships.
Can people with narcissistic traits change?
Although difficult, people with narcissistic traits can change, but only if they are able to admit there is a problem and due to the nature of narcissism, that can be a difficult quest. With the help of a therapist it is possible for them to learn to recognise and manage their narcissistic traits and develop healthier relationships with others.
Can people with narcissistic personality disorder change?
A personality disorder needs to be diagnosed by a medical professional. The likelihood of someone with this disorder voluntarily entering into a position where they can be diagnosed is rare, but if a diagnosis is obtained, it is absolutely possible for people with narcissistic personality disorder to change. As with narcissistic traits, treatment for this disorder typically involves talk therapy and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). CBT can help a person with narcissistic personality disorder recognise and change the thought patterns and behaviours that are contributing to their disorder. Medication may also be prescribed by a GP to treat the associated depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions.
The reason people with narcissistic personality disorder have difficulty changing is because they have an inflated sense of self-importance and an intense need for admiration. They also have a lack of empathy which means they have difficulty recognising the feelings and needs of others. This makes it difficult for them to acknowledge their own flaws and to take responsibility for their behaviour. Additionally, they may be unwilling to change because they believe that their behaviour is justified and that they are superior to others.
How to cope with a narcissistic family
It is important to seek therapy and support when dealing with the effects of a narcissistic family, as it can be challenging to heal from this type of upbringing on your own. A therapist can help you recognise the signs of narcissistic abuse, understand how to set healthy boundaries, build self-esteem, develop coping mechanisms to protect yourself from further harm and develop healthy relationships in the future. It is essential to prioritise your own well-being and safety above all else in any situation involving narcissistic abuse.
Strategies to help in dealing with a narcissist
Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging. It is essential to remember that narcissists are unlikely to change their behaviour.
- Set and enforce boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries and sticking to them is essential when dealing with a narcissist. Communicating your limits and enforcing them, even if it leads to conflict, can help to maintain your own sense of self and prevent their abuse.
- Speak up: If you feel safe to do so, calmly telling the narcissist how their behaviour makes you feel, may provide you with some sense of empowerment, and may actually be effective in deterring their abusive behaviour.
- Avoid engagement: Refraining from engaging in a verbal argument or a confrontation with the narcissist can help to avoid giving them the opportunity to manipulate and emotionally abuse you.
- Seek support: Seeking support from loved ones, friends, family and professionals can significantly influence your resilience to the toxic environment of narcissistic abuse.
- Practice self-care: Practising healthy habits, such as exercise, good nutrition and getting enough sleep, can help you manage stress levels provoked by the narcissists' behaviour.
- Consider going no-contact: Termed 'grey rock' in the field of narcissistic survival, cutting off all contact from an abusive narcissist may be necessary. With the help of supportive loved ones and a mental health professional, crafting an effective no-contact plan can help you reclaim your power, reduce the emotional impact of the abuse and promote your healing. Easier said than done if you happen to have children with a narcissistic abuser, in which case low contact could be an option whereby you keep communication to a bare minimum.
Coping with the effects of narcissistic abuse is undoubtedly challenging, but just because something is hard, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Seeking professional support by way of narcissistic abuse counselling can help to heal and reclaim your life.
